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Walking down the aisle, smiling big, she winked as she passed me. Back then we talked about men, marriage, romance, and sex. I'll never forget how her mouth flew open when I approached our pastor's wife with a fairly provocative question about sex. She was stepping into a new season of life—a husband, a new home, new responsibilities … This is about a political understanding of power dynamics and how they reproduce themselves in our society and social behaviour.With this as our starting point we can begin to have a conversation both as a society at large, and also as individuals on our Tinder dates, on how men can do better when it comes to using their d*ck without being one.It comes from talking openly about what we want, when we want it and how we want it.It comes from banning anyone who tries to shame us when we talk about it too.Yes, I was up for casual sex with a regular partner, but after nearly two weeks of Harvey Weinstein front pages my libido had taken a dive.
And I, for the first time in a long time, felt the hairs in the back of my neck lift a little.This expresses itself in a number of ways, from gents respecting our wishes when we openly say “no”, to being aware of whether we are willingly engaging with their sexual advances. Much like when you’re having a pint, you don’t simply throw your beer all over the person you want to have a drink with.This isn’t about men learning how to read the secret signals women give off when they want sex, like how many times they blink or how they’ve twirled their hair.How do we women navigate straight sex, or even just plain dating, in the wake of #Me Too?How do we reassert ownership over our sex lives and our sexuality?